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Thursday, September 28, 2006

my life


Love life s**ks! Sigh.. Shit happened again, and I'm torn once again. Everything that came my way, was just a learning journey, a journey towards something better that God has prepared for me. But I have been through sh*t. Tonnes and tonnes of sh*t! I SWEAR!! Leaving my love life aside, lifting it up to God to handle it. Yeah I know that jolly well. DAMN!!! *ARGH* But I feel sh*tty each time it happens. I SWEAR I'll fly to Mars if it continues to happen!! Like Ya! PICKADAMN! *ARGH* AAAAHHHH!!


Forgive me Lord!!!


I just feel so sh*tty now!! O level is coming soon and I'm freaking stressed up! Praise & Worship on the 8th of October. Bah!!~ I just need someone to be my pillar of support. Go to church with me, serve God whole heartedly and seek to bring glory to God together with me, apart from all the churchmates I'm close to. I'm torned and shattered now. I know I need to move on and move towards that 'something better' from God. But how am I going to cheer up?! Same old sh*t happening to me again. I SWEAR!! AAAAHHH!


GOD


Guide me Lord during this period of preparation for my O levels. I want to lift up all my sadness and burdens into Your hands. I know clearly that You will handle them for me and give what's best for me. I just want You to know I Love You so much. Crying in Your arms, I just feel the peace in me. Thank you Father for always being there, Your unconditional love that I receive from You. I'm just so happy to have known You Lord. Your will Your Way in me Father, All that You desire.

*Joan* was here at 1:33:00 AM

Sunday, September 24, 2006

today


Today's practice for P&W has only one word to describe: 'TERRIFIC!!' It was so good!!! I love today's practice, it was so fruitful and great! I think my prayer was heard. Thank You LORD!! :D


my life


My life is just simply great! I love the life I'm leading now. I go to church everyday!! I study at the youth office during weekdays and am serving in this wonderful music ministry, to praise and worship my lovely GOD!! My life has just been getting greater, despite being stress about my O levels. YES O levels is a heaven lot of stress! But well I'm going to do my best and give my all, all I have to offer to God and fulfill the mission he has given me on earth. And YES; I LOVE GOD! Currently I'm interested in someone and I'm just going to take my time. I'm not letting it be a burden to me because I'm leaving this in the hands of my Heavenly Father. I know clearly that He will take care of this for me as I concentrate on my studies now. Moreover, 'Praise & Worship' on the 8th of October is just round the corner and I've to focus on that as well. Well my life has never been so fruitful, in ways like serving my God with a talent of singing. I just want to thank Him for everthing He has given me in this life and am very grateful. I can never be happier as compared to the past. Yupps. :D


I Love God! Have Your will Your way in me Lord, all that You desire.

*Joan* was here at 11:49:00 PM

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

God is good. All the time.


To all those having exams, all the best. I'll keep you dearies in my prayers. Leave everything in the hands of the Lord! Do your best, give your all and PRAY! Good luck. I Love You all... :)

*Joan* was here at 1:37:00 AM

Sunday, September 17, 2006

today


I went to church in the morning almost afternoon. Went into St. Clare's hall, and I joined my dearies. We had praise and worhip for the Sec 3s led by Melissa's group and all. It was pretty good!! At 3pm, we had our Psalm 91 music practice cum session. At around 7?? We went into the Adoration Room to do our closing prayers. Each of us did our own reflections and prayers. Deb and I knelt in front of the body of Christ. As both of us were doing our own reflections and prayers, we cried.


Well for me, I was reflecting and praying about all the events that's happening in my life. At that moment, I just felt like God was right beside me to see what's going through my mind without me having to say it out to Him. I could feel his love for me so strongly. His presence in the Adoration room with me was just so strong, and next thing I know, tears just came rolling down. It's been a long time, since I've prayed and reflected till I cried. It was all peaceful as I went back to kneel in front of the body of Christ to cry. It felt like I was crying in my Father's arms. I felt His love and a warm sensation that was overwhelming me. I cried even more but I just continued to pray to cool myself down. Felt good.


Debbie


Sis don't rush things yea. Take your time to figure out. Listen to God carefully as what Aloy told me to. Don't worry I'm always here to give you my support and blessings, as what you've been giving to me as well. I'll stand by you no matter what as how you do for me. Just want you to know I Love You sis.


God is good. All the time.


Don't ever like a person by giving reasons like: 'Oh he/she is so attractive and good looking!' Bullshit.. Seriously. I feel that when you like the person, like the person for who he/she is. Not because of how she looks or whatever. Like and accept the person for who he/she is if you're serious about him/her. I feel that his/her personality is the most important factor.


God will give him/her to you when He thinks it is the right time. When you like a person, give yourself time to figure out how you really feel towards the person. And God will tell and give to you when he thinks the time is right. Not in your time but in His time. Don't rush and jump into conclusions, or you'll hurt yourself at the end of the day. Yupps.


God has a will for all of us. So just wait, listen and accept it. :)


I Love You Lord! Have Your will, Your way in me, all that You desire.

*Joan* was here at 11:55:00 PM

Thursday, September 14, 2006

to you


It's finally cracked. Just know that I Love You and I'll always be waiting for you. If you ever accept, you are the best thing that can happen in my life. As I am more than willing to seek to glorify God with you if possible. Now is not the time maybe. I hope that one day things between us will change. Yea as you said God has a better plan for me. But his plan to allow us to know each other is already one of the best event in my life. I am more than just being contented to know you and have you as my good friend. I Love You and I pray that one day, or some day maybe that you will love me back the same way as I do for you.


God's grace is sufficient for me


I have finally let go the burden in me. Now Lord, just have your will your way in me all that you desire. I Love you Lord.


Be Silent, Be Still
Alone Empty, Before your God.
Say Nothing, Ask Nothing.
Be Silent, Be Still
Let your God Look upon you.
That is All.
He Knows, He Understands.
He Loves you with An Enormous Love.
He only wants to Look upon you
With His Love.
Quiet Still be,
Let your God-Love you


I Love You

*Joan* was here at 12:51:00 AM

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

To Him


Now it's seriously not the time to tell you anything. Moreover I'm really too afraid to tell you. I do not dare to take the risk as the friendship between us is too precious to me. I don't know how you will react neither do I know if you will reject and avoid me.


I got my O levels to handle right now, but at the same time, I'm feeling all messed up whenever I think about you. The fear I have in me, not excluding how worried I am of the outcome. WORST! The temptation to tell you whenever I see you. I'm always trying very hard to be tactful with my actions and words, but the fact is that it is not easy to do so. I don't want you to know because I don't ever want to be distant from you. I know how terrible I'm going to feel if it happens. The feeling is something that I'll never want to have in me. Cause I've got that kind of feeling too many times before.


I don't know what God's will is. I don't know if you'll ever find out about the feelings I have for you. I don't want to be distant from you cause I need you so. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but I don't know what God's will is for me and you. I keep praying to God above for patience as I know naught is better than Thy gift.


Every time I get to see you, I just feel so contented and happy, but I just don't show it whenever you are around. I will be happier if you will smile at me sweetly when I say 'I Love You', without having to worry that you will avoid, reject, being distant or walk away. I just love you so but how I wish you know that I'm saying all these to you.


I don't think of the past. The only thing that matters is the everlasting present. And the future is not in the hands of fate, but in ours.


I Love You!

*Joan* was here at 12:21:00 AM

Sunday, September 10, 2006

today


We had our music practice today. Although there were some problems but it was ok. Haha.. Still very happy to see all of you. I hope our group will continue to grow and be more... Erm.. Ok I don't know what's the word. Anyway as I was saying, yup very happy to see you dearies today. :D Love you guys!


to him


I don't know how else to express cause I can't even tell you. I know I've to fully concentrate on my studies right now, but I just can't get you out of my head or rather keep you at the back of my mind for awhile. I just really wish that you know I'm talking about you. Cause I really want to tell straight in front of you that 'I Love You'. But I can't because I'm just simply too afraid. I just have to keep on praying and Wait! Only if you know that 'I Love You!'


God


I want You to know that I Love You, Lord. Continue to shower Psalm 91 with Your love and blessings Lord. Send Your peace to the world that we are all seeking for. I'll continue to sing Your praises Lord. Just singing for you alone Lord. Send me the spirit of wisdom, determination and knowledge to study hard for my O levels as I offer You all that I have. Have Your will Your way in me all that You desire. Amen! :D


I Love You and I will wait for you...

*Joan* was here at 10:54:00 PM


last evening


I had mass at SMOTA. Then mommy sent debbie and me to St. Ignatius as we were having a 'praise and worship' session there. Well it's called 'Ablaze'. It was pretty cool and interesting to be there. The songs we sang, plus the talks, I could really feel God's presence there and then. The holy spirit was filling me up so peacefully. It was truly one of the best 'praise and worship' sessions I've attended. There'll be more to come. :D


to the one


Each time I see you, I feel so happy. You just brighten up my day! I'm always so tempted to tell you but I'm really too afraid of the consequences. I'm afraid of your rejection. I just really wish you would know that 'I Love You'. I want to be with you so badly. I just want to be by your side. I want you to know that I'm always here for you, to give you the support you need, to worship & glorify God together and do most of the things in life together with you. I want to be there with you and share our ups and downs. I want to do so many things with you, but I'm just plainly afraid of how you will respond. How I wish you know about it and accept me for who I am and take the initiative. I always question God 'would this day ever come'? But what right do I have to question Him when He has planned everything for me in His time! All I can do is to pray and wait for His answers. I just wish you know all this. But I know I can't put too much hopes on you, to think negatively that you MAY disappoint me at the end of the day. All I want you to know is that 'I Love You' and that's good enough. One more thing, know that there's a person who will always be waiting for you. :)


today


I'm going church at 2.30pm for Psalm 91 meeting and music practice later. YAYEE!! Maybe I'm bringing some study materials there as well. Oh and I'm intending to go to the optical shop later in the morning to do my new spectacles which I bought a few weeks ago, to change the lens to a degree lens. :) RRARR! School's starting tomorrow. DAMN!! BORING! What to do?! Sigh... And O levels is less than 2 months. GAWD! So stress plus I've got to mug a lot. I'm so worried and nervous for O levels. :(


I want to tell you that 'I Love You'!


Toodles dearies. Going to sleep now. It's like 2.31am now! Haha. Goodnight and sweet dreams to all. God Bless Us and Peace Be Within Us! :D

*Joan* was here at 2:06:00 AM

Friday, September 08, 2006

yesterday


In the early afternoon, I went to Sabby's house and we ended up at Yew Tee CC studying. Studied until 5pm, I left for church. When I reached church, I went to the youth office and hanged around there until everyone arrived. We had our practice at St. Clare's hall.


Well I had tonnes of FUN last night. :D And the practice was great! Everyone of us did well. Debbie said I was good, but I intend to practice and train more on my vocals to do better. :D




Psalm 91


All of us were great! I love you all. See you dearies soon yea?! God bless us! Praises to the Lord.


We sing for you alone Lord, just for you alone. We Love You God! :)


my life[what's going on?]


I want to tell you so badly, but I know now is not the time. I'm plainly afraid to lose this friendship I have with you. So I'm choosing to leave the way it is now, cause I don't want to be distant from you. I want it to be the way it is now, and not spoil anything between us. I want to say 'I Love You'. I'm not kidding. I hope that if one day I ever get together with you, the relationship we have will be build on God's love. With the love of God embracing the both of us, we will seek to glorify God in every way. Now, I'll just concentrate on my O levels, at the same time, I'll just constantly pray and hope for this day to come. I can't have high hopes, I know, but I'll just keep on praying. I want to tell you badly that 'I Love You'. And I'm serious.


God is GREAT!!


That's all I'm blogging today. I Love all my dearies. God Bless you all. Muacks. :D

*Joan* was here at 8:32:00 PM

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

God blessed me during the day


I had tuition in the afternoon at 3pm. At 6+, I met up with my big sis and my younger bro in church today at the youth office. :D We studied there and all. Jeremy was there, so was Victor and a lot more. We were all studying there. So nice to see everybody apart from my siblings. Much later at around 10+ I think, Terrence came. Haha. Came so late! Wanted him to send me home, but I stay too far away from him as he lives near church. Rrarr! Anyway I understand, so no worries. In the end, I took a cab home. Well so much about today!


Psalm 91 will continue to glorify God with our music


Hmms... Practice has been changed from Wednesday(6/9) to Thursday(7/9). :D By the way, Aloy! : thanks for helping me change the thing. :) To all! : I can't wait to see all of you and have our practice. I don't know why, I just love hanging out with all of you. :D Probably because you dearies have brought a lot of joy into my life. I love you all! :D We shall continue to glorify God. I'll constantly pray for us.


my life


I like him and I want to seek to glorify God together with him. But I don't want to rush things, as everything has been planned by my Father in his time. I don't want to spoil it, moreover O levels are starting in like 2 months time. So I shall wait till after my O levels, then I'll see what happens till then. Now I shall not do anything but patiently wait. :) In the mean time, I need more practise for my vocals. :)


GOD
Lord I want to praise you with the songs I sing. I sing for you Lord, for you alone I'll sing to glorify and praise you.


heart of worship


When the music fades and
all is stripped away
And I simply come
Longing just to bring
something that's of worth
That will bless Your heart

I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to
the heart of worship
And it's all about You
It's All about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord,
for the things I've made it
When it's all about You
All about You, Jesus

King of endless worth,
no one could express
How much You deserve
Though I'm weak and poor,
all I have is Yours
Every single breath



I Can Do Everything Through CHRIST Who Gives Me Strength!


*Joan* was here at 12:35:00 AM

Sunday, September 03, 2006

today


Today we had Psalm 91 meeting. YAYEE! I'm officially Psalm 91 member now. Weeee~! Had tonnes and tonnes of FUN! First we had a meeting, then we headed on to our Music Practise. Haha. :D Had 'Heaven Of FUN'! Weeeee~! I love you guys! My new family.. :D


my life


My life rocks now. I'm finally active in church once again. When I'm with you guys, I just feel God's presence. I'm finally doing something that I love, to glorify God. I feel so happy. Glad to be with you all!


to 'Psalm 91' dearies


Hey peeps! :D Just want to tell you guys that I'm so glad to know all of you. You guys have brighten up my life in so many ways. Such as the fun, joy and laughter we share. I'm so blessed to get to glorify God with all of you and our music. I hope our group will continue to grow. Grow strong in our faith and in the unity of our group. As we mention during the meeting, we are a family! YAYEE! Yups. I pray that our group will grow smoothly and that God will continue to bless us in every way. Whatever obstacles or problems we face, may it be friendship or whatsoever, we'll be able to overcome it. Lets all pray constantly for guidance. Lastly, I just want to tell you guys, I love all of you. God Bless us. Amen to that! :D


God's grace is sufficient!


That's all I have today. Will keep updating. Toodles.

*Joan* was here at 11:11:00 PM

Saturday, September 02, 2006

today



Bhangra night in church earlier was heaven of fun! Haha! It was so cool. The Friars were dancing and acting! Super Duper Cute & Entertaining! Haha. :D
First I was helping out in serving drinks and all. At 8pm, the performances started, and we all went to watch. Haha. I enjoyed myself a lot. With all the dancing and craziness with my dearest sister, Debbie and my friends, Aloy & gang. Including Merina, Agnes, Cheryl and etc. SO FUN! Had tonnes of FUN! Those people who Miss it.. What A Pity!!


something new!



Guess What!?! I bought a LABTOP!! Weeeee~ :D But Damn it! I bombed $1000 of my savings. My mom only paid the balance $700+. *SCREAMS* Nevermind at least I own 3/4 of the Labtop. WOOHOO!! It's 'Sony Vaio' by the way. Weeee~


God please answer



I am waiting for thy gift.
I am feeling impatient but naught is better than thy gift in Your time.
Help me to wait patiently,
As I know the most beautiful thing has yet to come.
I love you Lord.
Have your way your will in me.
Amen.

*Joan* was here at 11:59:00 PM