Monday, January 29, 2007

First Time

"The Flight"
Look back with longing eyes and know that I will follow,
Lift me up in your love as a light wind lifts a swallow,
Let our flight be far in sun or blowing rain
But what if I heard my first love calling me again?

My Memory [Korean]
My memory
[mo-du gi-eok-he-yo geu sun-gan]
I remember everything
[nun-eul gam-eu-myeon a-ju jak-eun il-do bo-i-ne-yo]
I can see every little thing when I close my eyes

You're far away
[da-eul-su eop-neun go-se sa-rang-han-da-neun mal-do
gi-da-rin-da-neun mal-do ha-ji-mot-ha-go]
Somewhere that I can't reach, I didn't say I love you or I will wait for you
[jeong-mal mol-rat-jo geu-del i-reo-ke da-shi man-nal-jul-eun
seng-gak-jo-cha mot-het-seot-jo]
I really didn't imagine meeting you again
[a-jik neol sa-rang-he i-je-ra-do ne-ge go-bek-hal-gge]
I still love you, I confess it to you now
I wanna love you forever
[neut-ji an-at-da-myeon i-reo-ke na-wa ham-gge young-won-hi]
If it is not too late, I wish you could stay forever with me

C'est Moi, I dream of waking up beside you every morning..
C'est Moi, You are always far away from me
I can only look at you from far, before you come near
Please give me a chance
Your pale smile at least I can see it
Now, can you just love me once?
The only one who can love me is you
Now, some other faraway star is shining in your heart

1 Corinthians 13
I may be able to speak the languages
of human beings and even of angels,
but if I have no love, my speech is no more than
a noisy gong or a clanging bell.
I may have the gift of inspired preaching;
I may have all knowledge and understand all secrets;
I may have all the faith needed to move mountains -
but if I have no love, I am nothing.
I may give away everything I have,
and even give up my body to be burned -
but if I have no love, this does me no good.

Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud;
love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable;
love does not keep a record of wrongs;
love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth.
Love never gives up; and its faith, hope, and patience never fall.

Love is eternal. There are inspired messages, but they are temporary;
there are gifts of speaking in strange tongues, but they will cease;
there is knowledge, but it will pass.
For our gifts of knowledge and of inspired messages are only partial;
but when what is perfect comes, then what is partial will disappear.

When I was a child, my speech, feelings, and thinking were all those of a childl
now that I am an adult, I have no more use for childish ways.
What we see now is like a dim image in a mirror;
then we shall see face-to-face.
What I know now is only partial;
then it will be complete - as complete as God's knowledge of me.

Meanwhile these three remain :
Faith, Hope, and Love;
and the greatest of these is Love

This strucked me on Sunday during the reading. Thus remembering very vividly which book and verse of the bible was read. :))

Endless possibilities of the future.

*Joan* was here at 11:02:00 PM

uncertainty of the rawness

What a weekend!
Last Saturday after mass; mom, Deb, Justin & aunt Catherine+Family, went for dinner with a big group of church friends at Banana Leaf Amolio [an Indian restaurant]. There were all in all, 30 of us. That's a real big group of people having dinner together. :D Fun.
What was cool was the company and the laughters during meal time. Best was! Deb, Justin, Rach, Bec & Rose being there. I couldn't ask for better companions. :))

Yesterday I was in church at 8.45am. I was having breakfast with mom at the canteen and we met aunt Catherine and uncle Mike.
[HAHA!! We're together on Sat night, and we saw them in the morning!]
Aunt Catherine sat down at our table and started chatting with mom, about their childhood times. Haha. :)
Headed to Catechists' office after that. Met Rach, bec & Rose there. Class as usual, started at 10am. Sec 3s and 4s were combined yesterday. Marking of attendance as usual and headed to church for mass.
It was the youths' commissioning day. So Sec 1s to 4s were all in church having mass together. Interesting. :D After mass, Mel's group lead in praise&worship for the sec 3s and 4s. I was overwhelmed by some of the students enthusiasm. :))
Headed for lunch at face-to-face with Psalm 91. :D For the first time, majority of our members were together. Ckris was really happy. So were some of us who noticed that. :D As usual, we had our session at 3pm. Jeanette, Ckris and Dom lead in praise&worship. Fun. :))

It's going to be yet another great weekend this week. :)
Saturday : Parish Assembly
Sunday : Parish Youth CCA Day [roadshow @ piazza] :))

I didn't go to work today because I couldn't wake up. Why? Because I slept really late last night. Why I slept late? I couldn't sleep. Deb's right. Problems running through my mind.
When night time dawns everyday, thoughts start to conquer my mind. Intruding my sleep. Sigh.. I wish problems would stop arising so I won't have to go through sleepless nights. :/

*Joan* was here at 9:39:00 AM

Friday, January 26, 2007

waiting

It's 12.30am now. So it's about yesterday the 25th.

Work was fine. I was really tired the whole day. Lack of sleep. After work I headed down to West Coast Park for Jerome's birthday/bbq party. It was great to see my ex-classmates and schoolmates. It's been a loonng time.
Interesting.

I didn't eat much though. Well did some catch up with them. Pretty amused to know what each of them have been doing during this whole period of holiday. :)
Took a stroll with Clifford and Mun Yew, and ended up sitting at McCafe chit chatting. Pretty cool. :D

How time flies and how fast all of us have grown. Flashback when we were Sec 1. In a blink of an eye, we are already 18. In another 2 more years, we are going to be 20. I feel so OLD. Nigger damn~
When I recall 2 years ago when I was 16, I was thinking to myself "Gosh I'm going to be 18 in 2 years time." And it felt like I was saying that only last year. Seriously, time flies really really fast. It's sooo scary! :/
Growing old.
Same mentality.
Never change.

I'm very worried about my results. AAHH!! I wonder if I've done well enough to go to poly. GOD HELP ME!! :O

*Joan* was here at 12:27:00 AM

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

perpetual

I'm wondering why life is full of problems, obstacles, vexations and etc. It's irritating to the core. Mistakes. Unanswered questions. Worries. Human nature characters & attitudes. :/
Seriously running this race with endurance.
With God's grace.

My imagination is troubling me everyday. And Deb's getting irritated. [Sorry sister dearest.] :) Thanks for tolerating. :D

I feel.. Wtheck..

I feel terrible. Vexed.
Praying is the only resort.

A Prayer
Dear God,I pray that you'll
help thy servant,
to keep this heart and head together
to prevent the neglect of the ppl truly cared
for.
Hold thy servant back when rash
And let go when the time arises.

Teach thy servant, Lord
to be steady in decisions
and emotions
so that stupid rash choices
are made not.

Guide thy servant, Lord
For the lost need a hand.
Walking in the darkness,
Making much mistakes
Knowing not of the damage caused.

Thy servant is only human Lord.
Humans aren't perfect.
Thy servant is worthless,
hopeless, confused, messed up,
clueless, and useless.

Help your servant Lord.

*Joan* was here at 11:28:00 PM

Monday, January 22, 2007

right here :)

Ha! I had a fun time with Deb at botanical gardens today. We went around for hours, taking pictures of flowers for her project. Lol.. We were there the whole afternoon until 6.45pm. Having wore a pair of heels walking up and down the whole of botanical, the soles of my feet were horrendously painful. Thus we headed to far east plaza by cab from the bus-stop outside Gleneagles hospital. We intended to go town anyway. So the first thing I did when we reached far east, was to go and buy a new pair of flat sandles. Bought a pair at Mondo which cost me $15.
Don't ask me why I wore heels to botanical. I actually wore that to go to work without expecting myself to end up going to botanical gardens to meet Deb. Deb needed a camera, thus I agreed to help her. But nevertheless, I didn't expect myself to be there the whole afternoon until evening.
Yes. Call me dumb, so on and so forth.
Trust me it was unexpected. :/

Despite the painful soles of mine, I still enjoyed myself cause I got to spend almost the whole day with my twin. :D I love her to bits and pieces. :)

We all live in the dark,
With only a match stick to light our path.
But the match won't last, like the sun won't shine
So in the end we scramble along blind.

*Joan* was here at 10:40:00 PM

Sunday, January 21, 2007

please look into it

Today's the 1st day of catechism classes. Gosh.. This morning, I was at the Catechist office at around 8+, it was flooded with people queueing up to buy catechism books at the last minute, and some checking which classroom are their child in. Why can't they buy earlier?? Why can't they check earlier?? Wait until the day when catechism classes start then they start buying and checking.. Wtheck.. Worst of all, some parents are really a pain in the neck. [Shan't mention about the scenario]

Vision for Confirmation Journey this year.
[It's about Learning, Living, Listening & Loving!] - by Nicole
Well Sec 3's 1st day of class today was fun. Beginning was nothing much. Just marking of attendance and sit around. After which, we all headed for 10.45am mass which is compulsory for them. As for the 2nd half of the lesson, Nicole took over and led in the ice-breaking games. Played 'double whacko'. Ha! She made us play that game in Kuching last year. Real Fun!! :D That's all for the introduction of lesson today. Official lessons start next week. Hmm it's going to be a great experience for me. :)

That wasn't the end of the day for me. After all that catechism stuff which ended around 1+, I had 'taize' session with my psalm 91 dearies which started at 3pm. :) Overall 'taize' was great!!! [Led by Deb, Andrea & Dom] ((= There were 5 inter-faith youth forum members who came to join us too. :)

Hightlight of my day..
The morning. :)
It was a great start off.
I'm contented. :)

*Joan* was here at 9:31:00 PM

Never Know

Flashback of yesterday! I went to Westmall with my mom yesterday to get some stuff before heading down to church. Reached church about 2.15pm. And I helped Godma to sell the catechism books. Was really busy from 3.30pm onwards. The crowd died down only at 5pm. :/
It was the catechists' commissioning day as well. During mass, all catechists were asked to go forward for the blessings after the homily. HA!~ Holy water. Holy. Holy. Holy. :) Ah well.. After mass, mom, Deb and I went to Jurong for dinner, after which headed back to my place. Yes home. And yes, Deb came over. :) Not long after we came back, Alex came with his colleague to do his presentation thing which ended at 11.30pm. [Deb being worried as usual at that time. Her mom. The naggings. Yea.] As usual, what I'd always do, following my mom to send Deb home.
Well I'm really happy to see Deb today. Not to mention her coming my house somemore. Really made my day. :D

Anyway today's going to be another day in church. I'm going to be in church from like 8am until 5pm? Yea.. Cool. :) Sec 3 class starts at 10am and it ends at 1pm. Then I've got 'Taize' with my band at 3pm. It's going to be a tiring yet fulfilling day.
And YES! I'm still awake at this hour, but I'm going to bed soon though. Or else I don't think I'd be able to wake up later. *Laughs*
=)

*Joan* was here at 1:29:00 AM

Friday, January 19, 2007

I'm leaving on a jet plane

There was practically nothing to do in the office today. No work. Nothing. Damn boring. Rarr! I could have come home earlier to use the internet. For your 411, there's no internet in the office. CRAP. :/

My gosh.. I'm really really worried about my results. How? How? I wonder if I'd do well enough to get into a polytechnic. "Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God. HELP ME!" Yea I learnt this phrase from a little girl, Charlotta. Only difference is, I'm screaming the phrase deep down from the bottom of my heart, trying to force it out of my mouth. I'm really really worried. AAHH!!~

These few days, I really am on the verge of screaming my lungs out. But I've been doing that in silent reverie and in my blog. Argh~* Who is free to go to the beach with me one of these days? I need to clear my mind. I just need one person to go with me. Someone whom I'm VERY VERY close to. Maybe someone like Deb or rather, Deb herself. [Someone who knows almost everything that's going through my mind.] I guess it's only Deb. I can talk to her better. But the fact is whether her mom allows. That's the problem. :/ RRARR!! Go alone?? So malu-ating..

Moreover it'll raise my mom's suspicions if I say I'm going to the beach alone. She'll start worrying and questioning me, expecting me to tell her. That will just make me feel super irritated, although I know she's trying to show her care and concern. Never ends.

But I feel that I can relate to Deb and a few others better, as compared to my mom. It's not that I don't want to tell my mom. It's just that, sometimes when I tell my mom, the things she says are not what I need nor what I want to hear. Then I'll start feeling irritated again. In fact, it makes me feel worst. So I rather not confide my mom on certain things at times.

I'm not facing any problems currently. I'm just feeling very vexed. A lot of worries. Etc.. "Worries are the misuse of imaginations". Yea I agree.
Still... Human Nature.
Unavoidable.
Immutable.
Imponderable.

I really need the beach. Seriously.
The open space.
The view of the vast sea.
The cool breeze.
The sound of the waves.
Feeling of relaxation.
Feel God. And SCREAM!!!!

I need that. Badly.

*Joan* was here at 10:15:00 PM

Thursday, January 18, 2007

I was thinking of this song and I went to find the lyrics. I love it.

Hopelessly Devoted To You (Olivia Newton John)
Guess mine is not the first heart broken,
My eyes are not the first to cry
I'm not the first to know
There's just no gettin' over you

I'm just a fool who's willing
To sit around and wait for you
But baby can't you see
There's nothin' else for me to do
I'm hopelessly devoted to you

But now there's nowhere to hide
Since you pushed my love aside
I'm not in my head
Hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you

My head is saying "fool, forget him",
My heart is saying "don't let go"
Hold on to the end
That's what I intend to do
I'm hopelessly devoted to you

But now there's nowhere to hide
Since you pushed my love aside
I'm not in my head
Hopelessly devoted to you

*Joan* was here at 9:42:00 PM

patience it will be

Dumbby me! I'm thinking again. HELP! AHHH! I really really want to go to the beach and SCREAM, to let go of everything that's troubling me. Nigger damn~

Yes I've finally revamped my blog and I love it. :)

I really wonder..
And now I'm coughing. Seems like I'm falling sick soon. Don't worry Deb it's not your germs. I just haven't been taking good care of myself. ;)

While I was at work today, 90.5fm was playing a lot of songs that I know. There were songs like "The Young Ones" and "To Be With You". *Laughs* There's a lot of other songs that I've not heard for a long time, were played too. How nice! ;p

I wonder how I'm going to feel. Am I normal? Belch~* I wonder what will become of me. I hope nothing comes out.

Worried.
Paranoid.
Nauseous.
Negative illusions.
Call it... :/

I'm currently watching American Idol. I'm very amused by the various characters of the people in America. Some of them can sing but they need more training. I feel sorry for them. But those CANNOT, I mean really "CANNOT Sell Through Hollywood!". Seriously. They're just wasting the judges time. Come on' it means God has given you another talent that you have yet to discover. Move on. Nothing to be angry about. Auditions are harsh and you just have to take it in your stride.

Can't wait for the weekend. Yeap. Signing off.

*Joan* was here at 8:22:00 PM

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

never know the future

Dumbby. I'm very worried for my results. I'm really scared. Well everytime people ask me whether I have confidence, I'll just simply reply "I am leaving it into God's hands." Yes that's what I intend and have to do. I know I've done my best and I've put in a lot of effort. So the last thing is to leave the rest of it to God to handle. And I trust God on that, as he knows my needs and wants. Still.. I'm worried. Very very worried. Call it human nature.

Okay a halt to my worries. Anyway I didn't go to work today because my Dad went to M'sia early in the morning at 8am. Well I'm suppose to go after he comes back. But the thing is, when he came back just now [half an hour to forty minutes ago], he said that I don't have to go to work. Why? Because he's going to the dentist. So YAY! Hawhaw. :)

Thinking.
Wondering.
Hoping.
Illusions.
Impatient.
Immutable.

Ah what the heck. I'm feeling peckish. So yeap.. I'm going down to get my brunch.

*Joan* was here at 2:08:00 PM

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

constraint

Yes I have finally changed my blog's appearances after a long wait of 2 years. Ha! Thanks to my dearest twin, DEB! I love you loads sis! *Laughs* :)

Ah well.. These few days at work, whenever I'm free I'll just automatically go into stoning mood. Thoughts. Daze. Emptiness. It's damn irritating. AAAHHH! I'm poor thing? Now I'm beginning to feel so. So what? I don't bother.

Am I plaintive? Don't bother.
What I feel like doing now? Yes going to the beach and SCREAM as loud and as much as I want. AAAHHHH!! I just want to sit at the beach and look at the vast sea to reflect. Be alone. [Nice Feeling!] Yes I'm not in a cheerful mood cause I'm feeling empty. Don't know why. My mind is in a whirl. Can't think.

*Joan* was here at 11:31:00 PM

Monday, January 08, 2007

Because of you

A new year has dawned, and I'm a year older now. How time flies. I've been so worried for my results. I don't know how I'll do. All I can think of now is to leave everything into God's hands. What's done is done and there's nothing I can do. I'm just praying very hard for the best. Sigh..

Ahh well.. I've been working. I'm working at my dad's office doing administrative work. I got the whole office to myself and it's really boring being alone there. Well at least I've got things to do, and it's not very little nor a lot. So yea..

Junior catechists' trainings have been good so far. Natalie and I got to prepare for this Thursday's prayer session. I'm going to be teaching/assisting in this year's Sec 3's catechism class which starts on the 21st. I wonder how the youths are going to be like, apart from Sarahann, Alena & a few others. The rest I don't know. Well I shan't wonder so much about it.

Life's been normal, but it seems that something is missing and it's not complete. I can't descibe that feeling. There's just this empty space that drags my mind down when I'm alone anywhere. Nostalgia. I miss the past and am impatient at present for future. Believe. Believe Jo believe.

I'm still savouring memories of 2006. Especially the last 2 months. Oh well! :)

*Joan* was here at 9:48:00 PM

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

you make my world go round

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true...
All I want for Christmas
Is you...

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I don't need to hang my stocking
There upon the fire place
Santa Claus won't make me happy
With a toy on Christmas day
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you...
You baby

I don't ask for much this Christmas
I don't even wish for snow
I'm just gonna keep on waiting
Underneath the mistletoe
I won't make a list and send it
To the North Pole for Saint Nick
I won't even stay awake to
Hear those magic reindeer click
Cause I just want you here tonight
Holding on to me so tight
What more can I do
Baby all I want for Christmas is you
You...

All the lights are shining
SO brightly everywhere
And the sound of children's
Laughter fills the air
And everyone is singing
I hear those sleigh bells singing
Santa won't you bring me the one I really need –
Won’t you please bring my baby to me...
Oh I don't want a lot for Christmas
This is all I'm asking for
I just want to see baby
Standing right outside my door
Oh I just want him for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Baby all I want for Christmas is
You...
All I want for Christmas is you

Love is a strong word and it means a lot more than just saying it...

Joanne Magdalene

*Joan* was here at 10:48:00 PM

Monday, January 01, 2007

Cheers

Happy 2007 everyone! Weee...

Last night's Countdown at Marina South with my God-parents, Aunt Catherine & Family, and my mom was AWESOME! Fire works were AWESOME!! Steamboat dinner was GREAT! 'Phone Call Shouting Wishes' to friends were MAGNIFICENT! God Blessed. Lalala...

Definitely the BEST NEW YEAR COUNTDOWN! :D

2006 was definitely a memorable year. A lot of wonderful memories indeed. And I'm still savouring them. 2006 was SWEEEEEEEEEEETT! I Love Everyone!

Happy 01.01.2007! Weeeeee.... Have a good year everyone! :D

Joanne Magdalene