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Tuesday, November 28, 2006

"Acky Breaky Heart"


YEAH! It's 12.00am and it's my BIRTHDAY!! Weee.. Happy Sweet 17th to MYSELF!! YAY! [Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me.. happy birthday to me!!!] I hope the people whom I want them to come badly later will come. :)


Okie dokes! That's all for the post today. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF!! *laughs*


Joanne Magdalene

*Joan* was here at 12:08:00 AM

Monday, November 27, 2006

simply afraid


I'm just too afraid to love now. I'm having phobia about getting hurt or rejected again. So yea I guess as much. I don't know what else to say and I'm already going to fall asleep. So goodnight to all. God bless and sweet dreams.


Joanne Magdalene

*Joan* was here at 1:32:00 AM

Friday, November 24, 2006

mesmerised


Possible? I love the way you talk to me, I love the way you look at me. I felt worried when I heard you were sick. I love the way you have fun and laughter among friends. I love your seriousness when you're busy. I just feel that I love everything about you.


*laughs* Oh goodness.. *shy* :/ Oh well I guess I haven't felt like that for a long time. I'm afraid.


Joanne Magdalene

*Joan* was here at 3:40:00 PM

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

pondering


It's morning 10.30 now and I'm still considering whether I want to go skating.


I met up with Kelly at westmall yesterday, and Deb came to join us for a few hours. We did some shopping and ended up sitting at mos chatting until 5pm. After which, it was time for Kel and I to catch the movie 'Step Up' which started at 5.15. I love the choreography of the dance and the selection of music. It was perfect. :D


Oh goodness, my schedule for the week is jammed with activities. Lets see..


Today: Kuching's balloon making and carolling practice
Wed: Meeting up with Sab; and SOF meeting
Thurs: Kuching's line dancing and preparations
Fri: Skating practice
Sat: Working and mass
Sun: Fun Fair; and grocery shopping for next Tues.


Humm... Right now I'm still thinking whether I want to go and skate before heading down to church. I am actually kind of lazy to go out now. Bah~


Looking back at what happened in church last Saturday's afternoon really cracks me up. After line dancing practice, Justin, my godbrother was leaving and so I said "Bye brother!" Guess what?! My weird 'family'(siblings) all looked at me with the same 'shocked expression' and "hhaarrhhed" at me! I was so stunned by their reaction that I blurred for a couple of seconds. Then it striked me to why that sudden act of shockness by them. So they thought I brought in another 'brother' into our weird 'family'. We all ended bursting into laughter. *laughs* You all should have seen their expression at that split second, it was so hilarious. *laughs* Oh well my weird, crazy and sometimes acting retard 'siblings' do bring a lot of joy into my life. I just love them so much! :)


Joanne Magdalene

*Joan* was here at 10:37:00 AM

Monday, November 20, 2006

joy of freedom starts today


OMGoodness! AH! I can't believe my long vacation has started. I am so excited. BAH~ *Laughs* :D Like OMG!! O levels are officially over! YAY!~ :D Okok I know I'm crazy and I'm like SUPER happy and hyper now. Lalala.. I'm going to watch movie with Kelly later at Vivo! Weee~ [Movies! It's been a long long time!] ;) *Laughs* Ok yes! I'm like a complete retard now. And yes I said it myself. Anyway.. That's all I've to type today. Ain't nothing much to say, if I'm going to say anymore, it's going to be all about me being happy, happier and happiest.


So toodles. Will blog more often now. :p


Joanne Magdalene

*Joan* was here at 11:50:00 AM

Thursday, November 16, 2006

cloudy days are gone, here comes sunshine


At last, I'm back to my normal life. *Laughs* Weeee... O Levels are ending soon. Hooray! *Laughs*


*Laughs* Line dancing for Kuching trip is easy easy easy!! :D After next Monday, I'm like so free. I'm going to be able to embrace the full joy of freedom soon. No books to memorise nor study, like YAY! *Laughs* I'm going to be super busy with Church starting from next Tuesday, which I totally love it to the core. I'll be skating and skating and skating, churching and churching and churching, AND have movie marathons. Not to forget! Shopping and shopping and shopping. girlie hangouts and slumber parties. Although I've got to work on certain days, but STILL.. It's all GOOD! Weeee.. HOORAY!! :D OMGoodness I CAN'T WAIT! Lalalala...


What more can I ask for? I get to dye my hair and go for facial, makeovers. ;P Anyway, it's 3.07am now. I'm going to get up at like 6 or 7am to study for Friday's papers. So yupps that's about it for today's post.


Goodnight dearies. God bless you all and may all the angels guard all of us when we sleep. Sweet dreams. Toodles. ;)


Joanne Magdalene

*Joan* was here at 3:03:00 AM

Thursday, November 09, 2006

tears and sadness


I've read all he had said last year. I was tossing and turning in bed last night, and I just kept on thinking. I didn't know what was going through his mind back then. He had messages for me in his posts back then which I didn't even know. As I read those posts last night, I just cried and cried. Even now as I'm typing, I'm beginning to tear again. I was so naive back then, full of arrogance and I was judging him. Something that was just good and perfect for me, I didn't even realise and I just continued hurting him. That message from me just.. I don't know what to say now. I can't take those words back no matter how much I'm regretting saying that last year. I can't.. I didn't expect I would **** for you now. It never came across my mind before.


Just recently, he found somone. 1 or 2 weeks ago, I was bored while studying in Macs. At the sudden thought of him, I messaged him. I didn't know why I thought of messaging him. Well, I did. And so as usual, just a call or something, he will definitely try his best to come, and he did. This time when he came, for the very first time, he wasn't alone. I felt a sense of disappointment when I saw that he wasn't alone. I didn't know why I felt disapointed at that very moment. Just as they were sending me home, I felt this sudden rush of sadness. But I pretended I was fine and all cool with it as we were walking. Damn that was that day.


It seems that everything's too late to reverse things back to the way I want it to be now. If only he'll be willing to give me another chance to make it all up to him, but it all seems impossible now.


God, just take away the pain and sadness in me. I can't take it no more. Why must it be now? Why didn't I learn my lesson earlier? Why did I judge? God I've learnt my lesson, but it's all too late. Its never going to be the same again. God all I hope for, is just another chance from him Lord. All I feel and think now is, he's never going to come back. I just want to feel your warm embrace now Lord. Wipe my tears and give me a hug. That's all I need now Lord. I just realise I need him. I've been getting these sad emotions over and over again, every single year! Lord I'm too tired to go through the same old repetitive problem over and over again. Lord I'm so worried about my Os, whether I'm going to do well. And now this. I'm just all weak and tired now.


"Fate? Wait and see what happens? Depends on God's will.."


Joanne Magdalene

*Joan* was here at 4:03:00 PM

Thursday, November 02, 2006

that was all I needed to see and know


Guess after my Os, I shall just keep myself busy and enjoy myself in Kuching for that 8 days. What I need after my Os is just to be busy and not think about anything else. I've seen what I needed to see, I've heard what I needed to hear, and I've known what I needed to know. Fullstop, end of story.


Be a nun? I may consider that too. God's calling. Lalala.. I will be super busy after Os. Really BUSY! That's a good thing, right?! Right. After Christmas, I may work for my dad for awhile, then I'll probably be planning to go Australia for holiday. And next year, I might be spending Chinese New Year in either Hong Kong or something. YAY!! I will be travelling like a bird. So COOL!! YAY! I just want to get out of this stressful, hurtful and emotional place, go somewhere else to relax my mind and get some fresh air. That's all I need after Os!


I have enough of problems. Relationships with people, studies and others. Seriously enough. I've been thinking like a big 'C', crying like as though it's raining cats and dogs. This whole year just seems so emotional and problematic for me. It's irritating and I guess I've had enough.


God's will be done


As long as you're happy, nothing else matters. Treasure what you've found, just don't lose it. I've lost mine, and it'll never come back. Full of regrets? Yes but I'm not going to bother nor care already. I choose to set it free and not tie it down and keep it in my little cage.


I've cried, prayed, lived in my own little world and right now I just want to stop. I'm tired and I just want to be back in my Father's arms to feel His warm carress around me as I sleep every night.


I'm the one who wants to be with you


I'm going off now. Going to study and do some work before I sleep. Bye peeps.


Joanne Magdalene

*Joan* was here at 1:14:00 AM

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

forgiveness, hurt & sadness


I'm sorry to make you go through all these bullsh*t that's coming from me. I guess this is the only way I know how to react. I can't find any other ways to respond. A thousand and gazillion apologies. I do not want to have any misconceptions between you and I. O levels' coming and I just want to put a halt to all these on myself until my O levels has ended. I'm feeling so lethargic right now and I just want to fully concentrate on my O levels. Nothing more and nothing less. My brain can't perceive any more things other than those stuff that I need to study for O levels plus GOD!


I do not want to think nor settle about any other things. Whether you know or you don't know what's going on with me, I don't care. Not even a single bit, because my exams are here and they cost me my life. You can't be bothered with me now, I know. Neither am I, because O levels is just what I can think about now.


Hurt and sadness? Now? NO WAY! I'll be able to overcome it just for the sake of O levels. I'll think about those right after Os, which is, 9am on the 20th of November.


Joanne, stay strong and finish off these 3 crucial weeks.


I appear strong. You don't know what's going on inside me. I hide well.


Joanne Magdalene

*Joan* was here at 1:17:00 AM