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Tuesday, October 31, 2006

it's going to be a long journey


Hey peeps this might be an emotional post. I'm not sure.


I'm not as important as you think I am. I'm fine being alone. I'm stress with studies, and I guess that is all. I just want to get out of here and go to Australia to study. What I'm worried about, is just my parents. '5-6 years' is indeed long. I'm still considering. I may just end up going to poly first, then I'll move on to Australia. No fixed plans yet.


I don't see why you bother so much about me. I'm not pushing you away. I'm just a friend, a younger sister to you. She's more important than me, go focus on her alone. I'm just a younger sister, who can survive and withstand the earthquakes and thunderstorms alone. I'm just fine being on my own. Your future is in your hands, grab it fast before you lose it. If you're serious about her, show her more care and concern, than on me. There and then, you'll be able to touch her heart. You're not doing anything wrong, but it just doesn't seem right to me because she's the one you like not me. Do the right thing dude! Will support you in everything you do. *Cheers*


That's about it, God


That wasn't as emotional as I thought. Haha.. Oh well. I'm damn worried for Os. Pray for me peeps! Gonna go sleep now. God bless Everybody! *Cheers*


Joanne Magdalene

*Joan* was here at 1:05:00 AM

Saturday, October 28, 2006

FALLING SICK


Damn I'm having flu and blocked nose. That's bad. O levels' just round the corner and I'm falling sick. I ought to drink plenty of water from now on before it gets worst!


Sigh.. I missed 'taize' practise in church today with my Psalm 91 dearies. *Cries* Eliz advised me not to go because O levels' just round the corner. Well I ended up studying with Eliz, Ting and KP at blk 768 macs. Ting left early. Whereas Eliz, KP and me studied until 11pm, and my dad came to pick me and Eliz up. That's today.


Psalm 91


Sorry dearies for not being able to go for practise today. I will definitely be there on Sunday for the actual 'taize' session. So no worries alright! I'm feeling so sad for not being there with you guys today. I miss you all. Oh well, I'll see you all this Sunday. *Cheers*


thoughts


I've told my dad about my decision to go Australia for college. There's a possibility of me going to Australia. The problem is, I can't bear to leave my church commitments aside just like that. Well it's just a decision. Whether my dad's able to afford to send me abroad is another thing. No fixed plans yet!


Fuji


Damn it! They increased the skating fees like crazy. Really insane, I SWEAR! Think we are filthy rich is it?! Dumb Shit!* You'll definitely lose a lot of students, seriously! Plus the prices that they set for the different coaches, it's just showing how biase they are. Damn! Previously the $189 for just 5 lessons is already *freaking* expensive. Now it has increased to $300+ for 5 lessons, depending on which level you're learning and which coach you are going under. WTHeaven! The drastic increment of prices for lessons is insane!!! What is wrong with the Freaking MANAGEMENT! Damn YOU! Once the Kallang rink opens, Fuji will be in DEEP SHIT! I SWEAR! They are so going to cry for help! Shout for your MAMA, it's not going to freaking help you! Not even a single bit! All those students who can't freaking afford to learn in Fuji, which is almost the majority, will DEFINITELY flock to Kallang once Kallang rink opens. Guaranteed plus chopped! DUMB PIECE OF SHIT* I Swear.


Pardon me


Pardon me for that passage above. I'm signing off.. Goodnight peeps and dearies! *Cheers*


Joanne Magdalene

*Joan* was here at 2:56:00 AM

Friday, October 27, 2006

wonders


Sometimes it just makes me wonder, why God can't find a better way for us to get to know Him? I just don't get it. We have to go through so many problems in life just to realise that there's a God whom we can depend on. But why must it be in such a beautiful, yet painful, stressful and problematic way? This just makes me going on thinking.. Well, Yan is right. After all, we still have to live through it. Moreover, right now my studies are more important. It's the crucial period now and I shouldn't let my thoughts run wild. NOT NOW NOT AT THIS MOMENT!


Well I'm going off now. I'm going to Admiralty to meet Yan to study. Oh well, bye peeps.


Joanne Magdalene

*Joan* was here at 1:27:00 PM


never ending


I am...
over self-conscious,
overwrought,
pestiferous,
pessimistic,
emotional,
extrovert,
sentimental,
naive,
complacent & insensitive(at times)!


So many things and problems going through my mind, within me rather. I just don't know how to express nor know what words to use to describe the different kinds of feelings I'm getting recently. I'm just drowning myself in books to occupy all the free time I have, just to keep my mind from thinking and reaching out into my inner thoughts. If I do reach my inner thoughts, I will just start day-dreaming about the impossibilities, which is kind of bad for me now, because my major exam is just round the corner. Damn..


We only have this one chance of living in this world, there will never be a second. Life is so fragile and you will only get to live life just ONCE, and you just feel like doing all the things you WANT and NEED to do. Majority are still wondering and searching what is God's will for them. And so am I! When am I going to leave this world? Will I get married and have kids or become a nun? I seriously have no idea and whatever happens, it's all God's will! I have so many things that are waiting for me to go and accomplish. But the fact is, I don't feel excited at all about what is going to happen next. Or how my O level results are going to turn out? Fantastic or disappointing?


I met aunt Priscilla during last week, one of the weekday's mass. I was talking to her and she told me this, "I pity all the students. They have to go through so much stress in their studies. But all these studies and work, are all made by humans. I don't pressure my child because I am a teacher myself, and I really pity the students." I mean yea, we study and study and study, get into the working life, work and work and work. Then when it is time for us to leave the world, the things we study and work, don't mean anything at all. It is just a cycle in life. People think that the journey of life is long, but in actual fact, it is very short.


The problem now is, I am feeling all empty inside me. Yea I'm worried for my O levels and all. But other than that, nothing matters besides God my Father. I just don't feel happy nor sad, and I'm just living my life by the minutes and seconds. I'm just feeling all so tired and liveless.


Don't ask me what's going on with me because I don't even know.


God's will for me.. What is it? Not a clue..


Oh well.. I'm going to bed now. I've got to wake up early to study later. Sigh.. Toodles. Goodnight dearies. God bless. :)


Joanne Magdalene

*Joan* was here at 12:46:00 AM

Monday, October 23, 2006

God's will has yet to be discovered..


Disney on Ice crew team, dance or DJ school, Here I Come!! Hope I will be able to fulfill this dream of mine. God will be on my side this time. :)


My 'brother' enlightened me last night while I was online. Best 'brother' indeed, thanks a million. :) LoveLove..


*Laughs* I guess I've made a lot of dearies worry. No worries my dearest godsisters, godbrothers, best buddies and a lot more who are showing me so much care and concern. I am fine and I promise I'll be alright. I will be concentrating on my O Levels. No worries dearies! Lalalala... :)


Going off to study now! Boo~ Lalalala..


Joanne Magdalene


*Joan* was here at 6:21:00 PM

Sunday, October 22, 2006

feelings


I don't know how and what am I feeling deep inside me now. My thoughts are running wild, my mind is not listening to my heart. My heart is going through all sorts of feelings, that transmits to my mind, telling me a lot of things that are making me regret on all the wrong doings, hurting a treasure so badly long before. These are seriously hurting me now. Crazy thoughts and dreams, once so alive in my mind, may not come true now. How weird that things are happening, revolving around me just keep on changing and it's hurting me. Hopes that were once high up there are now shattered and scattered into the vast graves.


I suddenly felt like I've been chopped up into pieces. The pain I'm feeling inside me now is just unbearable. I have never thought that my heart would cry out for you so badly. The past years, I've been too naive, complacent and insensitive about the way I treated you. [sorry and thank you!]?? Now I'm just beginning to realise that I've missed a treasure that may not ever come back anymore. That treasure I've missed has seemed to let go of everything and begin its new chapter of life; moving on. Right now, I'm just stucked here, going through all the pain that I've never once thought that it would be for you.


Guess what I'm wishing for now?! Just give me another chance and I promise I'll never hurt you again. *Laughs* Funny isn't it? Now what am I doing? Acting normal as if nothing's going on within me, all smiles and around. Being all tough and strong; able to withstand the thunder, lightning and earthquake? I seriously don't know and I'm just regretting right now for being all mean to you and saying nasty things that you weren't suppose to know, somehow accidentally you knew. Whereas I'm feeling guilty there and then at that moment when you knew. You just stood there, looking at my backview and pretended nothing happened.


Till now, you still treat me all so well and nice, and I just don't know what to say. You're just like the FLASH!, just a call and you'll definitely be there. Whenever and wherever! I'll remain hopeful no matter what, because I believe anything can happen and change, if it's God's will. Don't tell me what to do because I'll be right here waiting for you.


Joanne Magdalene

*Joan* was here at 11:57:00 PM

Friday, October 20, 2006

studies


AH! I'm super stress for Os and I can't wait for it to be over! Bah~ Mugging like HELL! I'm going to my Dad's office now to study and stay overnight. YEAH! My godbrother is coming too. Lalalala.. My godbro taking his O Levels too. Yupps.. Got to go now peeps. Will update when I'm having my breaks. :) Won't be so often though as usual though cause I'll be studying like CRAZY! Lalala..


Bye peeps. Update soon! And just continue to TAG! I'll check! Mwahahahaa..

*Joan* was here at 10:21:00 PM

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

The Almighty Has Done Great Things For Me, Holy Is His Name.


Last Sunday P&W was all Good! :) Praise The Good Lord! Haha. *winks*


Hmm.. FlashBack!


Last Saturday, 07.10.06


I didn't attend sunset mass, but ended up going out with my mom and her friends. (Aunt Helen, Aunt Jenny and Aunt Iris) Seriously.. It was a ladies' night out. Haha! 4 middle-aged women and me, a teenager, but it was not boring though, it was a Heaven lot of fun! :D We went to Orchard Hotel for buffet dinner. We ate a lot and chat a lot. Why I say so?! We started eating at about 8pm and the buffet ends at 10.30pm. Guess what?! We sat there all the way until 1.30am in the morning. *Laughs* You guys may not find it funny, well it is not funny, but I find it rather amusing, sitting there for like hours!! :0


Last Sunday, 08.10.06


Lets see! I attended 9am mass. After mass I had the Praise & Worship session for the Sec 3s which started at 11.45am and ended at about 1pm. It was all GOOD!! Sabby and Mom came to watch, haha I'm so glad! Thanks Sabby for making time to come. Greatly Appreciated! :) I was supposed to go for 'Tayzei Workshop' at 2.30pm after Praise & Worship but I didn't, because mommy and Sab was there. Anyway I followed mommy and Sab, and we went to pick Don up, had our lunch at 'Crystal Jade Kitchen' at PS. (Good food for 2 consecutive days. like OMG!) Hmms... [Yummy yummy fatten my tummy!] Okay that was totally random. *rolls her eyes*


Psalm 91


Hey dearies! All the effort and hard work we've put into last Sunday's P&W was all worth while. Thank the good Lord, we did it and it's finally over! At las, we can now all fully focus on trying to improve as a group, not only musically but spiritually. I love you dearies. See you all soon. :)


Joanne Magdalene

*Joan* was here at 4:00:00 PM

Friday, October 06, 2006

After reading what my sister, Debbie, had posted, I am really touched and am very inspired to type something for you guys as well.


Deborah


Hi sis! How true it is that God really works in many different ways to get people together. I have never thought that we will ever meet nor be this close. And I don't know how to express how grateful and thankful I am to God to have let us meet. This sistership I have with you is indeed so beautiful. I just pray that our sistership will continue to blossom and bring glory to God. You are just one of the best thing that has ever happened in my life, and I'm just so glad that we met. God works in mysterious ways and I sincerely thank Him for this bond that's been formed between us. I'll pray for you and Nic as well. I love you sis. Just the same as you do for me, I'm just a phone call away and I will never leave you too. I'll always be here for you no matter what and I will stand by you as well. Remember that. :)


Sabrina


Sister, I hope you will have free time to read this. Right now, no matter how far you are away from me, I have never forgotten about you. I'm in yew tee and you're in boon keng. The distance that we have to travel to see each other is indeed insane. You hardly come back during the weekends, you're busy with school and church, Don, etc. We haven't seen each other in a long time and I just hope we will be able to revive the good old days, spending more time with each other after my O levels and your A levels. I know you are busy with so many things now, and so am I. We barely call each other because we both know we are busy. Well it's been a long time since we skated together and have those crazy night outings during the weekends and all. Well I really do miss you and those times that we spend together. I can't wait for the holidays and for you to move back to yew tee, so I can meet up with you more often. Well know that I am just a phone call away and you will never stop being my sister. Knowing you for 4 years is truly a blessing and I thank God for this sistership between us. We will continue to glorify God together. I'll pray for you and Don as well. Hope to see you real soon. Study hard, this is our final lap. I have never stopped loving you sis. :)


Psalm 91


Hi dearies. God and Keenan have brought us together to form this wonderful music ministry called Psalm 91, and as Deb says, without music, there won't be us. Music brought us together and I totally agree with that. I thank God for answering my prayer. The bond between us has become stronger. We are a family and whatever obstacles that come into our way, always remember that God is with us. I may not have been with you guys right from the beginning, but I am very glad to have known all of you. God put me in this music ministry for a purpose and I am very thankful. I SWEAR! If not for you guys and of course Keenan, I wouldn't be so active in church to serve God and to be able to sing his praises in this ministry of ours. If not for you guys, my life wouldn't have been this meaningful plus the amount of joy that has been brought in. And if not for you guys, all these wouldn't have been made possible. All these years in this church, I've been seeking for a more meaningful way to serve God, and my prayers have been heard. I have found it and I really thank God. Keenan is definitely one of the most important person that we should thank and always keep him in our prayer, as he has done so much for all of us, not only us but the youths in SMOTA as well. His work is not easy, it's tough and we shall pray that God will give him the strength he needs. For Psalm 91, we shall continue to bring glory to God and I love you dearies. Really. :)


Samantha


Hi sammie! I hope you're doing fine in London. Study hard for As. FlashBack! I met you 2 years ago. Haha you have grown up so much. How time flies. I really miss you as much as Josh does, as we only get to see you just once a year. Although we barely spend time together because now you're in London and all, but you will always remain in my heart. I love you dearie. :)



My life



I have decided to stop searching for *THE ONE* as I know God will give when the time is right. As much as I'm worried for my O levels now, I am going to do my best and give my all, the rest I will just leave it in God's hands. I just know it in my heart that God will handle the rest for me just as long as I do my part. God is just so important to me now, He is the center of my life and I realise I cannot afford to lose Him. The grace of God is just what I need and it is sufficient for me.


I have a lot of people that I haven't mention in this post but please know that all of you are not forgotten. Special and not so special alike. For some, I'm sorry for not being there for you, for not sending wishes on special occasions sorry for forgetting. I sincerely request for forgiveness.


My life is full of hope and it's so much more meaningful now. There are more things that I have yet to discover but I'll just take it step by step.


I'm coming back to the Heart of Worship when it's all about You, Jesus!

*Joan* was here at 12:43:00 AM

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

FREAKY


Today was the worst day ever in my life! I SWEAR! Something happened to Deb and me. AHHHHHHH!!! :/ Like oh my goodness gracious.


This is what happened!


Deb and I went to this chicken rice stall and eat. This usual chicken rice
stall we often go because it's the nearest to church. Moreover the chicken
rice there is not bad, quite nice. BUT! Somehow something unfortunate happened
to us there. Yea like really unfortunate. These 2 man, who are selling chicken rice there, I THINK they are in their mid 20s probably going 30, they were actually eyeing on Deb and me. Like WTHeaven!!


We walked in.
Me: "A plate of roasted chicken rice please, thank you!"
And we sat down at a table.
A malay lady came to us and we ordered our drinks plus a plate of
Thai Style fish.
Then....
1st man: "Are you 2 sisters?" (in chinese)
Me: "Err.. No."
Deb: "No."
1st man: "How old are the both of you?" (in chinese)
Deb and Me: "Err.. 17?!"
1st man: "Oh ok."
2nd man served my food.
I was eating and talking to Deb about some relationship stuff.
I finished my plate of chicken rice and then the plate of fish came.
2nd man asked Deb: "Do you want a plate of rice?" (in chinese)
Deb: "Err.. No need."
Deb smiles and blurred. (Sis doesn't understand Chinese really well.)
2nd man gave Deb a plate instead.
Then.....
2nd man asked Deb: "Can I see your phone?"
I sensed something was wrong at that moment.
2nd man looked at the thing that was dangling on Deb's phone.(Her name)
2nd man: "I use your phone to call my phone. ok?" (in chinese)
Deb was so blur, she didn't understand.
Deb: "Err.. Oh ok."
I blurred too and went into a shock. I was so stunned by Deb, agreeing blurly without understanding. I didn't know what to say then but like 'OH SH*T!".
2nd man sat beside me.
2nd man: "Are the both of you sisters?" (in Chinese)
This time...
I pretended not to understand chinese.
Me: "huh?"
2nd man: "You two sisters?"
Me(sensed something was wrong so I replied): "Err.. Ya Yes."
2nd man blurred.
2nd man: "But both of you are 17 and you two are sisters? You two twins?" (in Chinese)
Me: "Yes."
Deb blurred: "Ya."
We cannot take it anymore and we asked for the bill.
The meal cost $17 but we were given a discount, paid $15 instead.
OMG!! AAAHHH!
2nd man asked Deb: "I call you.. er.. tomorrow. We go out."
Seriously his English was bad. He can't evn speak proper English.
He can only speak Chinese. Like WTHeaven!
Deb shrugged me.
Deb whispered: "Please hurry tell him that I got a bf."
I told 2nd man: "Oh! She got a boyfriend already!"
2nd man asked me: "What about you?"
I was SHOCKED! I SWEAR!
I told 2nd man: "Oh err.. I also have a boyfriend also."
2nd man looked disappointed and...
Erm ya. We hurriedly walked away without knowing what to say.


I was practically losing my breath. I was at a total loss of words.
Like, somebody PLEASE tell me that didn't just happened to the both of us.
Like NO WAY! If it was a guy about our age who asked for Deb's number or me for that matter, I seriously DON'T MIND! Seriously. God knows how old the 2 man are by the way. Goodness gracious, both just looked like they are 2x OLDER than us. Like OMG!!


I'm still in shocked and am traumatised. Yea and that's today.

*Joan* was here at 11:37:00 PM


This post is supposed to be posted on the 2nd of Oct.


events coming up


YEAH! Praise & Worship is this coming Sunday. I can't wait! Weee~ Anyway I'm stress about O Levels. I don't know if I'm going to do well. I'm more worried for Science Practical than anything else, and it's on the 19th of this month. damn!


everyone


Don't ever judge a person's looks because we are all not perfect. I'm just happy with being myself, and whatever people say about me, I seriously don't care.

*Joan* was here at 11:34:00 PM