never ending
I am...
over self-conscious,
overwrought,
pestiferous,
pessimistic,
emotional,
extrovert,
sentimental,
naive,
complacent & insensitive(at times)!
So many things and problems going through my mind, within me rather. I just don't know how to express nor know what words to use to describe the different kinds of feelings I'm getting recently. I'm just drowning myself in books to occupy all the free time I have, just to keep my mind from thinking and reaching out into my inner thoughts. If I do reach my inner thoughts, I will just start day-dreaming about the impossibilities, which is kind of bad for me now, because my major exam is just round the corner. Damn..
We only have this one chance of living in this world, there will never be a second. Life is so fragile and you will only get to live life just ONCE, and you just feel like doing all the things you WANT and NEED to do. Majority are still wondering and searching what is God's will for them. And so am I! When am I going to leave this world? Will I get married and have kids or become a nun? I seriously have no idea and whatever happens, it's all God's will! I have so many things that are waiting for me to go and accomplish. But the fact is, I don't feel excited at all about what is going to happen next. Or how my O level results are going to turn out? Fantastic or disappointing?
I met aunt Priscilla during last week, one of the weekday's mass. I was talking to her and she told me this, "I pity all the students. They have to go through so much stress in their studies. But all these studies and work, are all made by humans. I don't pressure my child because I am a teacher myself, and I really pity the students." I mean yea, we study and study and study, get into the working life, work and work and work. Then when it is time for us to leave the world, the things we study and work, don't mean anything at all. It is just a cycle in life. People think that the journey of life is long, but in actual fact, it is very short.
The problem now is, I am feeling all empty inside me. Yea I'm worried for my O levels and all. But other than that, nothing matters besides God my Father. I just don't feel happy nor sad, and I'm just living my life by the minutes and seconds. I'm just feeling all so tired and liveless.
Don't ask me what's going on with me because I don't even know.
God's will for me.. What is it? Not a clue..
Oh well.. I'm going to bed now. I've got to wake up early to study later. Sigh.. Toodles. Goodnight dearies. God bless. :)
Joanne Magdalene
