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Friday, January 19, 2007

I'm leaving on a jet plane


There was practically nothing to do in the office today. No work. Nothing. Damn boring. Rarr! I could have come home earlier to use the internet. For your 411, there's no internet in the office. CRAP. :/


My gosh.. I'm really really worried about my results. How? How? I wonder if I'd do well enough to get into a polytechnic. "Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God. HELP ME!" Yea I learnt this phrase from a little girl, Charlotta. Only difference is, I'm screaming the phrase deep down from the bottom of my heart, trying to force it out of my mouth. I'm really really worried. AAHH!!~


These few days, I really am on the verge of screaming my lungs out. But I've been doing that in silent reverie and in my blog. Argh~* Who is free to go to the beach with me one of these days? I need to clear my mind. I just need one person to go with me. Someone whom I'm VERY VERY close to. Maybe someone like Deb or rather, Deb herself. [Someone who knows almost everything that's going through my mind.] I guess it's only Deb. I can talk to her better. But the fact is whether her mom allows. That's the problem. :/ RRARR!! Go alone?? So malu-ating..


Moreover it'll raise my mom's suspicions if I say I'm going to the beach alone. She'll start worrying and questioning me, expecting me to tell her. That will just make me feel super irritated, although I know she's trying to show her care and concern. Never ends.


But I feel that I can relate to Deb and a few others better, as compared to my mom. It's not that I don't want to tell my mom. It's just that, sometimes when I tell my mom, the things she says are not what I need nor what I want to hear. Then I'll start feeling irritated again. In fact, it makes me feel worst. So I rather not confide my mom on certain things at times.


I'm not facing any problems currently. I'm just feeling very vexed. A lot of worries. Etc.. "Worries are the misuse of imaginations". Yea I agree.
Still... Human Nature.
Unavoidable.
Immutable.
Imponderable.


I really need the beach. Seriously.
The open space.
The view of the vast sea.
The cool breeze.
The sound of the waves.
Feeling of relaxation.
Feel God. And SCREAM!!!!


I need that. Badly.

*Joan* was here at 10:15:00 PM