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Thursday, February 22, 2007

The past few days of CNY was hell to me. On the first day while visiting both my grandparents, my DAD just had to go round bragging to people about how irresponsible I am for not calling up the NP lecturer for help and guidance on the day which he wanted me to.
Come on I will call, it's not as if I'm not going to call at all. Just because I didn't call her on the day he wanted me to, doesn't show and mean that I don't give a damn about my education life or whatsoever. Just one mistake and he said that I'm being irresponsible. Fine. Whatever.

But for crying out loud, on the first day of CNY he went round bragging to all the aunties and uncles about it. Next thing, while playing cards with my cousins, there was one incident where I didn't hear carefully about paying or taking the one dollar from grandma. I just merely shifted the one dollar and he just told me off in an aggitated tone saying that I don't know how to calculate, I don't know how to see. Don't you know the meaning of hearing wrongly. AAHH!
Since it was the first day of CNY, I didn't want to rebut back in front of my cousins, thus I just kept silent.
Do you even care about how I feel? I'm turning eighteen and I'm not a kid anymore. Face it. All you think of me in your eyes is, I'm still a teenager who's unalert, irresponsible, stupid and a handicap at doing and handling things. Yes I may be irresponsible in other small ways, but to my education life and all others, I'm NOT!

Come to the third day of CNY, my friends were coming over to visit. I woke up early in the morning to go to the market and all with my mom to buy and prepare the food for the steamboat. He was still sleeping like a log. That's fine.
Then my grandma called and said she wanted to come over to our place, and she needed him to go and pick her up.
Not long he went out and I thought he went to pick grandma over. When he came back, I didn't see her. Thus I asked him how come he didn't go and pick grandma. And he replied in an agitated tone again saying "You all sitting here watching tv and playing computer, don't know how to go and pick her up ah"
WTH!! Mom was cooking in the kitchen for crying out loud. And yes I was watching tv and my dear cousin was playing the computer.
DAMN IT I SWEAR!
If I've got a driving license, I wouldn't even bother to ask him to go pick her. I would definitely go myself. And my dear cousin, his nephew is only 14 this year.
WE DON'T HAVE A BLOODY LICENSE TO DRIVE!!
Plus for his 441, my grandma and that's HIS mother. Can't he go and pick her up himself. Why still have to ask his wife to go help pick his mom up when his wife is busy cooking in the kitchen. And he himself also ended up watching tv what.
Why come tell us off saying we are watching tv and playing the computer when he was doing it too??? When he himself HAVE a bloody license and HE himself is sitting there watching the damn tv.
It's so ironic. After an hour later, he said he was going to pick grandma up. WTH!

Next all my friends hadn't arrive yet but grandma did. I don't even know what time my friends were coming and I got scolded from both parents asking me why they hadn't arrive. How the hell would I know then when they didn't inform me the time? I know they were going to come, and he and my mom just got frustrated, and told me off
"Aye they're not coming, so late already still not here. We waited for so long already. You finish all the food yourself if they are not here".
What the hell was wrong with the both of them. I SWEAR AH.. Dad was enough. Mom started.
Then nevermind. Not long I took a chicken to eat. And I was thinking of helping out with the preparation of the table and all that stuff after I'm done eating that one piece. My dad turned around and told me off "Can you just stop standing there eating and come and help out!" WTH!
I seriously had enough there and then. Having not finish eating it, I threw it away and went to help out. My grandma was there and I didn't want to show that I was unhappy. I was fighting these feelings within me trying all my best not to show. My mom could tell and she got angry with me. Leaving everything in the kitchen for me to do, telling me that she had enough of me.
FINE!
Seriously I was close to tears at that point. Grandma was there and I held it back. Then my dad went out to buy more stuff. My mom on the other hand told me to go and buy wooden chopsticks as there weren't enough. Ok fine. So I asked if the provision shop at S11 will be opened, hoping that she might know.
She told me off in an agitated tone as well, "How would I know? You go see la. You think I own the shop is it?"
WTH!!!!! I was just merely asking right. Hoping and thinking that she might know, so I asked. She didn't have to reply me in that manner for Christ sake.
I grabbed everything and I walked out of the house to buy. I broke down and cried all alone on the way.

Worst CNY ever! I SWEAR! I only blogged about it today cause I was thinking about it. Damn it. Seriously! Anyone in my position at those times would definitely cry more than I did.

My dad always thinks that he is always right, and everybody else around him is wrong. And he always thinks I can never be independent and would have to be dependent on him.

When I'm 21 I'm not going to live off you. I'm just going to make do with it for another 3 more years. Always claim that I can never be independent. For crying out loud, you're the one forcing me to dependency, relying on you. When I want and try to be independent, you show that you can't trust me and tell me off that everything I do is wrong and No to this or that. What can I do? I just silently obey.
I'm going to be eighteen, when will you all realise that I'm no longer a kid? And that I have a mind of my own. So what if I'm an end of year child?

Seriously.. I've had enough.

*Joan* was here at 9:47:00 PM